Extraction

So Im still healing up from the wisdom teeth being pulled out. The surgery was fine, I was under anesthesia but the past week has really been hell. My right side really got it the worst so its slow healing. Plus I had bad reactions with the pain meds so now Im just on advil which is ok considering its been healing for awhile now.

I just applied tonight for a job. Its as a network engineer which sounds pretty good. Ill have to follow up on it. Hopefully I can make a vlog by the end of the week. People think Im going away but Im not. I just needed a break thats all, to reassess some things.

Desolate ..

.. that is how I would describe YouTube. Desolate. Everyone has pretty much disappeared. The community hasnt really been together for about a year now. I was going to do a video in reaction to one of my good friends from the beginning officially leaving YouTube. I tried, but it just didnt come out right so its been postponed. Not much news with me. I started back up with part time work and its the same old. Its a decent job for now but I still got to apply for a job and call up on another one. This week I have to get my wisdom teeth out!! All 4 of them. I'm scared a little but they gotta go.

Reason

Lately I've been pretty idle with things. Haven't felt like doing videos lately because I end up either having a serious video or a rant video and I'm sick of having that out there. Then if I wanted to do a happy video it ends up just being pointless because I really havent been doing much. Been playing video games and watching tv for the most part. About the gay issue that was addressed previously, recently Ive just wanted to eliminate the fact that its even an issue anymore in my life. To do so Ive wanted to become more open about it and redefine what is personal to me. If you redefine something as no personal anymore, than it no longer has a hold over you. Ive wanted to do a video about it but theres this paradox that if I even talk about it and how it was a problem, that it will continue being a problem, but at the same time doing a video is part of the "being open" about it. So it leaves me a standstill about it and right now Im choosing not to talk about it. I think because of all the serious vlogs people think thats how I am and it really isnt at all. Vlogging is all the stuff that Im not with people in real life, which is why I vlog to have that outlet of thoughts. Hard to showcase how I am in person with people when Im not in person when Im alone with a camera. Oh well thats it.

Family in town

So I had graduation yesterday. It was really good to go but at the same time not. I didn't get sleep again and had no time to eat so I was starving and tired trying to sit through an hour of pretty useless speeches and a ton of graduates.

My sister from out of town came to my graduation and I was happy that she came but I get really uncomfortable with her. Shes still here and I just get uncomfortable because of her strong religious views. I recall her saying in one sentence to me while I was in college "as long as you're not drinking, smoking, or gay then you're okay"... because all those things are equivalent and "soul damaging". She doesn't know anything, so ever since then I've tried to stay away from her. But I've discovered I'm better than that, she is my sister, and I do love her.

She helped a lot yesterday too moving me out and taking pictures and just being there for my graduation. I'm just scared of her knowing because of that possibility that all those good things she did would vanish if she knew. Doesn't matter now anyway, self respect is more important.

Welcome

Hello and welcome to my blog. The following posts will consist of the topics that I will have to get off my chest. Feel free to message me on my YouTube account or comment on here.

First I'd like to discuss a little about the title of my blog "State of Flux". My life for the past few years has been in this constant change as I find more about myself and become an adult. During this time there have been many ups and downs from one end of the spectrum to the other and for this reason I feel like my life is in a state of flux. Most of the hard work I think is past me but there are still huge mountains to climb and I don't know where or if it ends.

I will post weekly at least and I hope you give feedback. Thank you always for your loyal support.

- Rich