Sunday, January 3, 2010

and so it begins...

This years resolution is to be outgoing. I wish I could say "more outgoing" but that would mean I had some ambition in the first place. I have no ambition and I wonder why. I think it was just those many oppressed years growing up and having to overcome so much in my mind and in my identity. All I wanted was some acceptance, all I wanted was to come out to my parents, and Ive done those things. I should be "living the life" the dream that I had long ago. I should feel free, feel the endless opportunities.

Why dont I feel this way?

Ive accomplished the most major goal in my life. Is it the overwhelming fears that guide me? I have a fear of getting this fulltime job, the responisiblity involved and how much I have to prove. So, do the fears guide me?? If so, this will be impossible to live continually. I cant enjoy life if Im just overcoming things all the time! I just want to have that positive ambition that is generated not from fear but from curiosity and interest.

I guess some minor goals would be to fit into a new group of people, maybe from my new job that might or might not be happening. I also would like to take piano lessons and actually get away from being this amateur. I also gotta get back in shape but thatll be easy in comparison to self acceptance and discovery.

Hmmm..
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6 comments:

  1. juneJanuary 5, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    I wish we could all see/feel the endless opportunities, too. That's a good point about having some positive ambition from curiosity, instead of pressure. Hope you find or achieve some of your goals this year, and enjoy the process.

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  2. ladybugmagicJanuary 17, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    I came to your blog because you and I are mutual followers of another blog. This will sound uber cheesey, but, about always having to "overcome things", it brings Miley Cyrus's song, "The Climb" to mind.

    It may sound silly and bubble gum, but the lyrics really remind me of what you said:

    I can almost see it
    That dream I´m dreaming but
    There´s a voice inside my head saying
    You´ll never reach it

    Every step I´m taking
    Every move I make feels
    Lost with no direction
    My faith is shaking

    But I
    I gotta keep trying
    Gonna keep my head held high

    There´s always gonna be another mountain
    I´m always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be an uphill battle
    Sometimes I´m gonna have to lose

    Aint about how fast I get there
    Aint about what´s waiting on the other side
    It´s the climb

    The struggles I´m facing
    The chances I´m taking
    Sometimes they knock me down but
    No I´m not breaking

    I mean I know it
    But these are the moments that
    I´m gonna remember most
    Yeah
    Just gotta keep going

    And I
    I gotta be strong
    Just keep pushing on

    Cuz
    There´s always gonna be another mountain
    I´m always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be an uphill battle
    And sometimes I´m gonna to have to lose

    Aint about how fast I get there
    Aint about what´s waiting on the other side
    It´s the climb

    Yeah

    There´s always gonna be another mountain
    I´m always gonna wanna make it move
    Always gonna be an uphill battle
    Sometimes you gonna to have to lose

    Aint about how fast I get there
    Aint about what´s waiting on the other side
    It´s the climb

    Yeah
    Yeay
    Keep on moving
    Keep climbing
    Keep the faith
    Baby
    It´s all about
    It´s all about
    The climb
    Keep the faith
    Keep your faith
    Woho

    Here is a youtube link I found if you are not familiar with the song:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNkrzRLJeU8

    And scarily enough, another Miley Cyrus lyric comes to mind (something has come over me):

    Don't let no small frustration
    Ever bring you down
    No no no no
    Just take a situation
    And turn it all around

    With a new attitude everything can change
    Make it how you want it to be
    Stayin' mad, why do that?
    Give yourself a break
    Laugh about it and you'll see

    Life's what you make it
    So let's make it rock
    Life's what you make it
    So come on come on (everybody now)

    Why be sad, broken hearted?
    Theres so much to do
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah
    Life is hard or
    It's a party
    The choice is up to you

    With a new attitude everything can change
    Make it how you want it to be
    Stayin' sad, why do that?
    Give yourself a break
    I know you wanna party with me

    Life's what you make it
    So let's make it rock
    Life's what you make it
    So come on come on

    Lets celebrate it
    Join in everyone
    You decide
    'Cause life's...what you make it

    Things are looking up
    Any time you want
    All you gotta do is realize that
    It's under your control
    So let the good times rock and roll

    Ow!
    Da da da do it now
    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
    OW!
    Alright
    Yeah yeah yeah
    Yeah yeah

    Life's what you make it
    So let's make it rock
    Life's what you make it
    So come on come on (everybody now)
    Let's celebrate it
    Join in everyone
    You decide
    'Cause life's...what you make it
    Life is what you make it

    Youtube link: (Again, very disney-pop)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pecPSXur5oM

    Sorry for such a long post, and the off the cuff miley obsession, but, for some reason, the lyrics reminded me of what you posted.

    Good luck to you, at the job, and all!
    ladybugmagic - www.marshmallowhugs.ws

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stephen ChapmanJanuary 21, 2010 at 6:49 AM

    Better to have a list of minor goals rather than HUGE goals that are too difficult to achieve. Break them all down and chip away at them!

    Good luck!

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  4. aNorthWestViewJanuary 21, 2010 at 10:37 AM

    I wish I had a job I wanted, but I know very all to well your goal of being out going, being more out going (I was just barely so) is my goal, it dose not help that now I'm stuck in a job I pretty much hate, working the middle of the night (10pm-6:30am) so I never really get to interact with people in a social way as it is. And my fears of doing any thing to change that are what keep me trapped in the same circle.

    I wish you the best of luck on your goals and on the getting into shape. I know that the getting into shape part is just as hard for me now as every other one of my goals (and I really could use some getting into shape)

    ReplyDelete
  5. nullJanuary 21, 2010 at 6:59 PM

    Thank you guys!! This really helps :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. juneJune 5, 2014 at 7:48 PM

    How are you? Rediscovered your blog and realized it's been years since I've seen a blog/vlog from you. Hope you're doing well.

    ReplyDelete

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